After a long day at work, I'll walk several blocks to ride the bus and will occasionally run into a (most likely homeless) man holding up Spare Change News. Sometimes it's the man who silently stands in the corner avoiding eye contact at all cost. Sometimes it's the man who politely thanks every pedestrian that crosses his path. But sometimes it's the man who cracks funny jokes with an uplifting persona.
Today it was the funny man.
"I've been waiting for you young lady..." And then my music drowns his voice.
"It's time for change. Now how about you help out a man and start real change." An Obama reference.
I wish I remembered more of his petty lines.
Although I hate to admit I don't feel a deep sense of obligation to help homeless people out (for various reasons), a small tinge of guilt always seems to creep upon me whenever they ask for help, i.e. the funny man today who was standing in 40 degree weather to make a couple of nickels and dimes. As I briskly walked to my bus stop, I was stopped by the crosswalk signal and there he was standing, cracking another joke in hopes of selling a newspaper to make a dollar. During the somewhat 20 seconds I was standing there, I was debating in my head whether to give the man a few dollars or ignore him and walk off like the rest of the passerby-ers. I didn't want a paper, I just wanted to help the poor guy out.
Then I realized I only had a twenty dollar bill.
It wasn't the amount that stopped me. I just didn't want him to remember my face and nag me at our next random encounter (or even threaten me for money if he became desperate), especially with a large sum to give. But my safety didn't cross my mind at the time, just this small debate in my head--to give or not to give, that was the question.
20 or so seconds passed and the crosswalk signal blinked "Walk". I crossed the street and his voice faded away as the sounds of Seattle during rush-hour filled the air. I was hoping my body would involuntarily turn around, in which I would reach into my purse, grab my wallet, give him some money and walk off.
I didn't do it.
I want to be able to summon enough courage to help the man out next time; not to feel good about myself or for boasting rights, but to attract the attention of the busy drivers/pedestrians/passerby-ers and show him or her that we should help others in need, especially if we have been provided for. Now if I can only put my thoughts into action next time..
